Discovery is a hidden pocket

I bought a pair of slacks a few months ago. Not the inexpensive shit. It was a pair of Calvin Klein, black suit pants, pressed and ready to go from Macy’s. It’s taken me awhile to succumb to the real world and dress like a professional but hey … i knew it was a matter of time.

The quality of the pants were nice to the touch … I appreciate well made clothes.

But these were different … i pull them on and button them , then clasp, then zip … ha! amazed because it fits so well! they were too long but i’m nifty with a needle.

Then i reach to my sides … don’t i have pockets? how could i not know there weren’t any pockets? Then i see a string … i pull it …

it gives way .. and i realize it was sewn shut.

do i feel stupid? was i supposed to know why it was sewn shut? I inferred that it’s to keep the pants nice and straight or something … yeah it’s a small insipid detail but …

it’s really the small things that sometimes count … without the pockets sewn shut would the pants be different?


Life goes on…

This weekend was tough.

When I was younger, funerals and memorial services were met with what I can best describe as indifference. My only thought in my head during these times was, “did they live life fully and happily?”  as I looked around, that’s what really mattered to me because I could only think about how they’d be remembered … but I didn’t understand the feeling of grief and losing someone loved in my life.

There are a million thoughts running through my mind, just thinking about the weekends, the nights, the phone calls, the texts … and none that I can ever commit to write down …

But I’ll write this … I lost one of the best things that happened to me in my life and my heart never broke so completely.  It was here for a fleeting moment and it was gone just as fast … there are times in your life when you know you’ve met that rare person … the one you would do anything for and know they have your back just the same.

I have faith in the remaking of life so my tears were spilled this weekend to make room for everything that is to come next  … there will never be a true goodbye to who we’ve lost but at least a piece of her will always live in every adventure we have.

There will only be a few people who understand why this loss was great, but I had the opportunity to share it with people who loved her in their own way.

At least, this time, when I sat there, tissues in hand, I was able to answer that question I so often murmured to myself, “did she live fully and happily?” Yes, she did – and she did a damn fucking good job of it.What I’ve learned from our loss was to cut all the negative people out of your life, believe in the good of people, never accept limits imposed on your, be a true friend who cares and unconditionally loves, be passionate and always chase the dream, forget the scenery

she burned too bright for this world.

To be amazing is to leave behind a legacy. You will only know you were in the presence of an amazing person if you feel their influence engulf your waking life with the subtlety of a whispering breeze. You know it was there but you can only feel for it.

She left with a legacy.

“Time is not measured by the passing of years but by what one does, what one feels, and what one achieves” – Jawaharlal Nehru

Years passed since I last saw her. Years passed since I last spoke to her in person again. It only took 3 months to appreciate and love a person without guile or worry or judgment. All in all, I will always remember the moments we shared and what it felt to be … simply … happy. She was a true believer that life mattered above happiness and to live it each and every day with every breath, every heartbeat, every sigh. I won’t waste my time writing about my disappointments, but I will look back knowing I was in the presence of someone great.

We were friends with a mission. Wholeheartedly, He is a team player with a genuine soul and heart. He is a true friend – forever and always. He took care of her with words full of care and to sooth her fears. Of course, we humans consider ourselves to be strong, but lest we forget we are human and are allowed to be vulnerable. Vulnerability is not weakness; it is acknowledging the fact there are holes in our armor and sometimes love is the patch that protects us.

To lose somebody close and dear to our hearts is an aching pain that will never be healed by time. It is the connection to someone so loved that we extend ourselves kinetically into the space and universes without our knowledge … always searching for them … Yet there are some of us who are able to release that ache and continue to live in the brightness of the legacy.

I have learned a great about myself these past few months and how life is short. Short enough that you should live without negativity, to be open to every opportunity, every unknown adventure, each and every path not taken … to be a genuine human being with love that is boundless and to be a friend without judgment. To never take for granted the potential of friendship in a stranger and that effort is meant to keep connections alive and healthy. Keep in your mind that a kind unselfish soul will always be remembered.

Missed opportunities are drops in a dark pond that illuminate as they fall through and become thoughts of regret or action. Regret because you had the dim foresight or were oblivious to what was in front of you. Action because you would never want another opportunity to pass you by again …

Don’t be the person who regrets to take action … live as you are and you will find what you think you’re looking for … I will never forget you and what you meant to us. We couldn’t say goodbye and never will because we will see you again when it’s our time to fly to the stars.

Happiness is …

… not that ice cream cone you get to eat all by yourself … it’s the melting of it all over your fingers on that hot summer day and laughing with your friends.

…. not an event or something to look forward to … it’s stumbling upon good people and spontaneous opportunity.

… not the celebrating of your birthday … but the people who come together and celebrate another year of life with you.

… finding a way to not look for happiness but to put yourself in every possible pathway or situation that leads you to it.

… not the material things you accumulate, but the memories and feelings invoked from such items.

… love in a teacup with the aroma wafting towards your nose and building up a small knot in your stomach and pulls on strings of nostalgia.

… you. looking at me just like the first time before you even knew you were going to love me forever.