It’s a fault of mine

but I really love ice cream.

And I still think of you when I eat ice cream. 

  

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untitled poem

she left words for him and me both
those words are manifest
right before my eyes
and a twinge of joy
pulls at my inner being

she left perspective hanging on a ledge
like a secret note for him to find
at the right moment
bittersweet it was to discover

she left whispers and traces
in actions and memories
in the stars and in my heart
but i still can’t let go

she simply dreams me wishes
ignored, they cannot be

If i were in bits

I’d be wondering what I was before I shattered

Then I’d thoughtfully clean up

Because what you were is not what you are

and what you are is always changing

changing constantly consistently

maybe not consistently but there is chaos

and consistent chaos

within us leads us to who we can be

but first we pick up the pieces

and continue on our way

It still doesn’t feel like a year

But that doesn’t mean I can’t feel you influence still with me …

Your laughter I still catch lingering on the breeze that wisps through my hair

Your voice I still catch drifting in as whispers in my dreams

Your words, still lifting me up through the hard days and times when I need it the most

I know I miss you but I can only take all the positive and know the universe will right itself because your energy is still there.

See you in my dreams …

The day I learned my eyesight was bad

When I was in 3rd grade, I always had to move to the front of the classroom to see what was on the projector screen. Thinking about the projector makes me laugh to think how ancient that is now.

My teacher, Mrs. Proctor suggested to my parents that I needed to get my eyes checked. Whoopy! Was I worried about being called four-eyes? Not really. It was whatever to me. I seriously didn’t understand the concept of bullying when I was a child. It was always, “Treat others like you would be treated” Apparently, it’s hard for children across the nation to swallow that pill. I was probably just really good at ignoring people but then again I was friends with everyone – except sometimes there would always be that group of girls that felt the need to talk shit for no reason whatsoever except that they learned how to do it from the older kids. It was the 90’s! We were entering an era of bitchassness.

I’ll always remember that day … we were doing algebraic math problems, my crush was sitting somewhere close by

Sometimes I believe that people with perfect eyesight can see and observe the truth better than people with poor eyesight because the world to a person like me is obscured, shadowed, and blurry. We strive for clarity through contact lenses or eyeglasses or even recreating our retinas through surgery. If I could get a statistic on people’s visions and the rate this generations deteriorating … what would we find. It probably has no correlation.

Then I start to think, it isn’t about eyesight … it is about vision. The ability to see beyond our abilities.

Survival was one thing on my mind the day I learned my eyesight was becoming poorer and poorer … I would never let it hamper my ability to move through a day with out purpose, to keep moving as though it were nothing.

Anyway, my eyesight is still poor and if there were ever a zombie apocalypse I’d be one of the first to perish because my glasses would probably break and there’d be no way I could stock up on contact lenses that would last me a lifetime.

Goodbye oh reasonable world

If you still think it’s not about race and you believe yourself an educated person then you should realize ignorance when you see it. If you take a side subjectively without being informed and doing your own research, you are blinded by what you think you believe to be true and set. The things I get upset over are not trivial or inconsiderate but it is reserved for when people decide not to have an opinion and just spout stupid words and opinions that are not formulated from their own mind or fact checking. Make sense with your words and not compilations of other peoples opinions and thoughts. Have a voice, be insightful. Social media is not true social media when reasonable discussion and debate are flamed more often than thoughtful and insightful and valuable to the social issues at hand. We all know deep down inside the internet is a whirlpool that swirls bad and good together so much that it blinds us more than ever.

if one believes that FB is not a place for discussion of current events then what is social media good for but to hide behind a screen and step in when it actually affects us personally. This goes for forums, chat rooms, and any place you can place your comment and therefore opinion. The people who exercise their right to freedom of speech to speak hatefully and untruthfully and distastefully and disgustingly have hate for themselves. If you don’t think it is, go to different news outlets sites and read the commments section … it’s amazing how MANY people hide behind a screen to say the most disturbing things.

Everything that’s going on in the world, affects us personally. We live in the bubbles that we blow ourselves. pop the bastion of safe opinion, share your voice in an articulate fashion.

These days i’m looking up to people who place focus on the real issues at hand and don’t step back from these people.

It all started with a dab of mustard …

There is a cafe by my work. A simple, modest little cafe … the only one that caters to a building mostly occupied by state workers and a mix of professionals from the education and IT industry.

I am not a food expert by any means but I have different levels of quality I’ve honed in over the years. Were I to compare this simple spot to a Starbucks, would be completely unfair but of course to discuss the limitations of what these neighborhood cafes can do is another topic.

The cafes in business parks are extremely limited. They do not have kitchen hoods – meaning their kitchens are basically a back room with a wash area, toaster, and microwave. They do not do any cooking whatsoever – which is fine. Their business consists of sandwiches, soups, breakfast, and coffee.

I appreciate the customer service i get at this cafe – they know my name, they listen to suggestions … but the only the thing I can’t get over is … everything has a potential to be better.

Let’s start with last Monday. I had the most fantastic breakfast croissant. Amazing and mouthwatering … expectations sky-rocketed … I’m sure everyone’s heard of Porto’s in Los Angeles, I am a bread fiend and we had some time to stop by there to get there infamous potato balls before making the journey back to Sacramento. But something compelled me to order their breakfast croissant. Their price $4.15 (They have an amazing array of breads and goods, i died and went to heaven walking in there)

Anyway, my whole breakfast life changed the moment I opened up the box holding my Porto’s sandwich … First I noticed everything was nestled inside a sweet croissant, but it all started with a dab of mustard that changed the game …

It blew my mind.

In a flash, all I could think of were the weeks and days I spent my hard earned money on mediocre breakfast sandwiches … $4.08 for this “breakfast croissant” .. the only hearty meal that I would allow myself to buy in the mornings … How could I settle for this all along when somewhere out there was a better, higher quality breakfast sandwich???

My disappointment soon turned into feelings of anguish because there is nothing comparable to a Porto’s in Sacramento. Nothing! I would need to scour all the so-called bakeries in the area to find sweet croissants and then a lovely dijon mustard … to feed this growing obsession. To maybe even encourage this small cafe to consider purchasing local and higher quality breads for their sandwiches and maybe individuals like me unbeknownst to the wonders of the higher end of breakfast could appreciate will have access to …

But alas, there is literally a Costco 2 minutes from here and provides everything this little cafe needs to survive. Once I move to Sacramento with Vic, the journey for a wonderful tasting croissant breakfast sandwich will be on my list of endeavors … To share this delight with the cafe I work by and let them know that there are people who settle for less but once they are given the option of more … the possibilities are endless …

And that is that … memories of my porto’s breakfast croissant with a ham and cheese omelette and a dab of mustard. This morning I gave in and ordered one and with a “dab of mustard” … imagine my disappointment when I received a “slather” of mustard ….